Authors: Vanessa Mars
One Day It Will Happen
Copyright: Published in the Vanessa Mars/ © Vanessa Mars Published : 24-October-2015
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Approximately 7.2 billion people occupy the world – seven continents and one-hundred ninety-six countries. I live in a world where existence means one thing and being alive meant another—to have someone with you forever and to share love with him through this life’s obstacles. There are so many reasons to believe in love. But for me, love is something that I can't handle. I am Rachel Milan, a single mom and an anti-destiny believer.
"Come on Zoey, you don't have to be like that! Mom will pick you up at four and we will go to Aunt Sheryl's house, okay?" it was so many years ago when I stopped believing that true love exists. After my world turned out to be doomed when I left the person I loved hanging for nothing. Well, he actually did the same thing. But then again, I received a special person since then, and he recreated my world – my son, Zoey.
"I just want to go home. I miss Jet and my friends." he mumbled as he looked away from my stare. He was not being a brat, unlike the way he acted that time then we went on our way to his school. It is Zoey's instinct. Perhaps like his father. Of all the things he will inherit from his father, it’s this stubborn behavior! But still, I love my kid – just like I loved his father.
Six years have been so long for me since I left my hometown. That was about the time when my parents discovered that I was pregnant with Zoey. I tried to hide the truth from them but they found out eventually. Of course they forced me to tell who the father was but I just told them a lie. Another lie that I thought would cover up everything. And besides, I was so scared to tell him – both of us never asked for this. We were so young and we had dreams. I won't let my pregnancy ruin lives – not even mine and the life of my child.
"Remember, I'll be back here at four okay? Behave. Don't do those tiny whinny tantrums. Do you understand me?" Zoey smiled – it was my antidote for all my past mistakes. After all that happened, being with my son is all that matters. I kissed his forehead and watched as he joined the crowd of kids. He's going to be safe. I know.
As I walked on my way, someone caught my attention. It was a guy I thought I wouldn't cross paths with anymore.
"Zeih?" I walked to get a clearer view of his face. But I just got caught in the hobble busy people crossing my path – and I lost my sight of him.
“What I am thinking?” I told myself. I shouldn’t be looking for him. “No Rachel, you should forget him. Maybe you’re just hallucinating. I should stop drinking too much coffee.”
"What? You saw him?" said Sheryl. She was my best friend since birth, well, proverbially that is. We’ve been best friends for ages.
"Yeah, I saw him, well, I think I saw him." There was a shock on Sheryl's face when I told him about me seeing Zeih – the guy who didn’t leave a trace – and he was Zoey's father.
I stooped on the table and now she had put on that ever-so-disgusted look on her face. Her reaction was quite fascinating. She looked like an idiot with her mouth gaping wide open while her eyes bulged.
"And what did you do?" She asked. All I could do at that point was moan as terribly as I can.
"If I could go back to that moment, I would slap myself and tell her that I shouldn’t be dumb enough to follow him!" Yes, I followed him. I’m an idiot, but wouldn’t you do the same thing? For a person you haven’t seen for a long time, you would probably be shocked to see him. But I don’t really know if it was really him. Maybe it was just someone who looked like him.
"So you followed him?! Are you insane?" I noticed a slight frown coming Sheryl. Here comes the tiger mode of hers. That look gives me the chills. It’s like she was going to swallow me completely with that big mouth of hers.
"I wish I didn't!” I protested as if that would shield me from her later onslaught. “I know. You think that I look obviously insane because of what I did but, there was this curiosity of seeing him again. I tried to avoid those feelings – lame feelings.” That last one was meant to stave off Sheryl’s menacing stare.
"I understand you.” That part made me blink. “I would go insane if I saw the man I promised not to see again. But, if you really can go back in time, why not go back at the time before you left?” Now, this was a different girl altogether. I breathed a sigh of relief but then a certain realization hit me in the head like an anvil falling from 10 stories above my head.
I stopped and thought “Why didn’t I think of that?”
"Or maybe, before that thing happened between the two of you?" Sheryl trailed on her rhetoric.
I didn't answer. I hate to answer such a question. If I did, it would be like saying I didn't wish to have Zoey in my life. I looked at Zoey while he played with Sheryl's daughter.
By that time the Sheryl train has left the station. She would go on and on about it for hours. I got busy looking for a way to make Sheryl shut up. Her rants made me feel weird. Maybe, I should use that huge stapler at the edge of the table.
"Will you attend our school reunion?" That made me blink – hard this time around. I didn’t notice that she was done ranting. To think I already had the stapler in hand – a little too late I guess.
“Come on Rachel, you look like a worn out hobo that can't move on from her past.”
“Yes, I can do it.” I objected. Move forward and try something greater than a heart ache. The past is past. I also hate the subject history! Well, at least this part of my personal history.
"Okay. I can do this. For Zoey. I will forget about everything especially him!" I was like a woman declaring peace while Sheryl looked at me as if I was her brainchild.
"What’s with the energy? Are you fighting for something? Well, does that mean you’re saying yes?" She said.
I smiled. "Yes!" I have now found something that would shield me from all sorts of emotional trauma. After that I called Zoey. We were about to leave when Sheryl suddenly asked me the one thing that I knew would knock off this emotional armor I had now put on.
"What if he sees you?"
I took a deep gasp. Apparently, I was not prepared for that incident. Bumping into him at the reunion party never crossed my mind. All I knew was that I had to face reality and not hide from everything.
If I do see him, then what? But will screw up again and do something terrible. We got home at eight and had a quick dinner.
I sat down the edge of my bed and took my laptop to check my e-mail. I also remembered that I had a report to send to the office in London. I saw a new company mail in my inbox.
The e-mail was from Lucius. He's a close friend and my boss. He wanted to speak to me so I opened my Skype and called him. He was always working.
"Hi beautiful." he greeted with a flirty yet friendly tone. I answered him with a sweet smile. "How’s your stay there?" he continued.
"Well, so far so good. We visited some relatives and close friends." I couldn’t hide my anxiety as I talked to him. This guy knows me better than my own father.
"What's wrong, Rachel? Are you okay?" He asked. He began to look and sound worried, but I refused to say a thing.
"No, no. I'm okay. By the way, Zoey misses you." I tried my best to smile. I don’t want him to worry about me, and I can’t tell him what or who (to be more exact) was bothering me.
"Tell him that I feel the same. If I could go there and look after the both of you, I would.” Lucius has been very fond of my son. He played with him often that’s why Zoey developed a brotherly-fatherly-whateverly connection to him.
"No. You don't have to do that for us. I'm sorry if it bothers you. Just stay there and focus on running the company. You know, do your thing. There's nothing to be worried about." I told him. That was all I could do prevent him from worrying about us.
"Are you sure?" He looked serious this time. He began to look like a strict, hot-headed boss who’s about to fire me.
"Yes, I am.” Oh, by the way, we’re going to attend my college reunion party next week." Was that good news for him? Or did I just mess things up again? Oh dear.
"You will?" There was this monotonous tone in his question which somehow made me a little anxious.
He didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. He made it look like he was doing something else but I guess I know him too well. I knew shouldn't have told him about the reunion. He knew all about Zeih.
"You do realize that you will see him there?" The way he spoke gave me chills. He was so serious and I can’t handle it anymore. But I'm stuck.
"I don't know." I said it with all honesty this time. I wasn’t sure if I will see Zeih at the reunion. Lucius sighed. Then, there was this awkward silence.
“Good night, Rachel.” He finally said.
“Good night, Lucius.” After that, he signed off.
I was picking the lettuce from the crisper section of the fridge for an early salad when Sheryl screamed with a hint of frustration. Where’s that stapler when you needed it?
"You did it again!" Her outburst was due to my retelling of my conversation with Lucius last night, which of course, included 'that' part.
"Do you ever think about how the guy would feel about it?" She blurted at me. Again, this had the makings of a long lecture.
"I-I forgot about that for a second. And besides, it never occurred to me that he will feel that way." I got the lettuce and started to tear each leaf and then wash them in the sink.
"You’re not very good at lying." She added. Yeah. I am. I always forget about things and people's feeling. I have been damn scared about everything. But the things I should not do and words that I should say always get mixed up.
"Why not just settle for Lucius? He likes you and you obviously have a thing for him…" She cupped her chin with her hands and rested her elbow on the dining table. I mixed the fruits and veggies and added the dressing on top. Then, I sat beside her and started eating the salad I made.
Her question made me start to think about it. Lucius has always been with me since then, guiding me, giving me encouragement.
"Zoey likes him," Sheryl added before biting a mouthful of pancakes.
Yes. Zoey loves him. There was a time when he actually asked if Lucius is going to be his father. Lucius and I have shared so many things about each other – secrets, problems and even our past.
"He's the kind of guy every woman dreams of. And he loves you.” Sheryl said while clearing her plate. I should have told her she ate like a pig. “You’re quite lucky to have him you know." She dipped her finger on the dressing on top of my salad and licked her finger like a kid.
I don't care about him being the “perfect one.” I admit that I like him. But I don’t know if that “like” is the first sign of love or it’s just a “friendly like.” All I know is that he's someone important to me and Zoey. If I could pick a father for Zoey, except Zeih, it would be Lucius.
...Wait. Did I just mention Zeih?
"Hey, Rachel!” Sheryl shouted again. That sort of brought me back to reality.
“Snap out of it. Look, here's the reality: Move on. Lucius is there for you. He can fill those empty spaces in your life."
I began to stare at my son who was playing in the living room. He saw me staring at him; Zoey suddenly rushed towards me then gave a sweet hug. I felt joy that only mothers will know about.
"Mom?" he said.
"Yes honey?” I caressed his hair and wiped off some sweat from his forehead.
"I want a daddy." Talk about a kid who could read my mind.
“Your son’s looking for a father. Lucius is so available.” Sheryl whispered then laughed at me. Very funny, Sheryl. Sometimes Zoey talked so much like an adult.
“Mom, you’re making the funny surprised face again.” He said while squeezing my face with his little palms.
"Am I? Well little man, what do you mean about, having a father?" I tried to compose myself and won’t seem surprised at his next sentence.
"Mindy has a father. She asked me if I have one too." He sat down the chair beside me then tasted my salad. He loves my salad.
"Mom, I think Lucius will be a great dad. He's cool." he smiled. I looked at Sheryl and she had this I-told-you-so look on her face.
"Dear, do you like your real father?" I asked in a soft yet nervous tone.
"He's dead, mom." This was the lie I was telling him over and over again. I told him that his real father died just so he would stop asking about him.
"I-I know. I meant if he was alive, will you be happy?" I asked him.
What am I going to do? Will I tell him the truth that his father is alive? I could tell him that but I shouldn’t. He’s still too young. I’m like one in those movies where the main character’s parent hid secrets from him and later knowing it then he will hate his parent for doing so. But I can’t tell him now.
"As long as you love him and he loves you,” Zoey embraced me with all the love in his tender heart.
"I love you so much, mom." Those six words of his always made me happy.
"I love you too, dear. Mommy loves you so much."